How childhood trauma changes adult relationships? As children, we have an almost god-like sense of awe, love and respect for our parents. We see them as omnipotent beings, the sole reason for our survival and existence — but when those feelings extend past childhood we often forget to extend that same love and respect to ourselves. In order to find true happiness, we have to learn to write a new narrative for ourselves. No matter what happened in your past, or what is happening in this current moment, it’s all moot if you can’t love yourself for who and what you are. In order to find happiness, you have to find a way to love yourself — the good and the bad — and you have to find a way to forgive yourself for the missteps and mistakes that led you to where you are today.
Ludus is a child-like and flirtatious love commonly found in the beginning stages of a relationship (a.k.a. the honeymoon stage). This type of love consists of teasing, playful motives and laughter between two people. Although common in young couples, older couples who strive for this love find a more rewarding relationship. Your emotions allow you to feel giddy, excited, interested and involved with another person. Mania is an obsessive love towards a partner. It leads to unwanted jealousy or possessiveness — known as codependency. Most cases of obsessive love are found in couples with an imbalance of love towards each other. An imbalance of Eros and Ludus is the main cause of Mania. With healthy levels of playful and romantic love, the harm of obsessive love can be avoided.
While your child may still be very young, it’s good to begin teaching small lessons that will help build their independence by the time they are ready to leave home for college. You can help do this by asking your child to do some simple activities that they can do on their own to help with the morning or nightly routine. Ask your child to brush his teeth, or get dressed in the morning, or change into pajamas at night. Remember to give clear and simple directions to help her understand exactly what she needs to do. If he forgets or doesn’t understand what is being asked of him, provide him with positive reinforcement, and explain your instructions again, as patiently as you can. Give them time to do what you ask, and provide them with positive feedback after they complete the task.
According to psychologists, there are five types of love styles. First, the pleaser, who often grows up in a household with an overly protective or angry and critical parent. Second, the victim, who often grows up in a chaotic home with angry or violent parents and tries to be compliant in order to fly under the radar. Third, the controller, who grows up in a home where there wasn’t a lot of protection so s/he has learned to toughen up and take care of themselves. Fourth, the vacillator, who grows up with an unpredictable parent and develop a fear of abandonment. And fifth, the avoider, who grows up in a less affectionate home that values independence and self-sufficiency. Find even more info at where abandonment issues come from.
Children who experience traumatic incidents may develop dysfunctional attachment styles. Developing healthy attachments requires feelings of security and safety. Avoidant attachment occurs when a child does not receive the benefit of a secure attachment, and become self- sufficient, and independent. Once they have reached adulthood, they continue to self-rely and do not attach themselves to others easily. Ambivalent attachment occurs when you experience a mix of neglect and attention. This can be confusing to a child’s development. Once they reach adulthood they tend to experience anxiety in relationships and require a lot of soothing and attention. These are just two of multiple dysfunctional attachment styles that may arise from childhood trauma. So how do we cope with trauma so we may learn from our past experiences?